#MeToo

(This post may contain triggers, proceed with caution)

Lately the media has been FILLED with stories of assault. The hashtag MeToo brought even more light to the situation. I was shocked to see how many people were posting that they were completely unaware of how big of a problem this was… Seriously, at one point in my life I was a teenager with a DD cup size and thought that being grabbed by people was just a part of being a woman now. The woman I am today is going “Are you fucking kidding me?” 1. How could I have EVER thought that? 2. How did I think that and yet there are clearly so many people completely in the dark to the problem??

It got me thinking about real conversations I’ve had in the past few years with adult women. Being a Pure Romance consultant put me center stage in front of a ton of different women and you’d be appalled to learn what some women think about themselves, what they think is acceptable behavior towards them, and what they’re allowed to do when someone treats them inexplicably! I just finished writing An Open Letter to My “Ex” Best Friends and it reminded me of so many similar conversations with women in my circle of friends and in my own family!

So let’s get one thing straight right off the bat, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH YOU IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, IF YOU SAY YOU DON’T WANT THEM TO. (I will be incredibly repetitive with this post so just bare with me)

Now that we’ve got that out of the way… I’ve been told by a few people that sharing my stories has helped them overcome their issues (whether inner darkness or abusive relationship or whatever) that reason alone is why I’m getting more and more okay with sharing. So here goes nothing, and beware for triggers if you should have any. This post will poke at several.

Abuse/Assault can come from absolutely anyone. Parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, strangers, anyone. That’s not to say it comes from everyone. There are still decent humans in the world, I can assure you of that! I will forever be thankful to my husband for acknowledging my darkness and always showing me light.

(Once again, Beware of Triggers)

I have experienced my unfair share of both abuse and assault in my short 24 years. I can close my eyes and still feel hands around my neck, my body trembling, choking to breathe and the fear I felt. That was only day one. Growing up my brother was the pleaser child and I was the fighter. I was always talking back. I’d throw things. I’d even disassemble things and throw each piece individually. I was rotten. Why I didn’t keep that fire in me when I needed it most, I don’t know? Fear? The urge to finally be complaint so it would all stop? I don’t know but to this day my husband can recognize my triggers because of that very first experience. Let’s say we get into an argument and he raises his voice a little too loud, I completely shut down and begin to bite my lip and pick at my fingers. At that moment everything stops. I’m back to that first terrifying experience. He hugs me, and assures me everything is okay. I can breathe again.

High school, everybody is hormonal and crazy. All we care about are boys and we’ll love each other forever, yadda, yadda, yadda… that was me too. One day, I brought a boy home from school. I thought he liked me. I remember wanting him to kiss me so bad. He finally did. Only he didn’t stop. This wasn’t the first boy I had ever been with so I figured maybe he was just trying a little too hard. I pushed him back and told him we weren’t having sex and that was it. He didn’t listen. He held me down and tried forcing himself on me. My heart was pounding and I began to shake. I knew what was going to happen if I let it happen. He was so much stronger than me… He had no intention of letting me go no matter how many times I turned my head away from his kisses or tried to squeeze myself out from under him. For whatever reason he thought he could force himself into my mouth and I just remember his knees on my arms and me telling him if he were to come any closer to my face I would bite his dick off. Needless to say, he got bit that day. I don’t remember him leaving my house but I remember legitimately feeling bad for hurting him…once again, are you fucking kidding me? Looking back that boy should have left my house with his manhood in his pocket! But I did feel bad…and scared of what he’d say about me at school.

College, I was getting a pretty average grade in my class and I stayed after to ask for extra credit. My professor then told me I “had nice tits” and I remember thinking what the fuck do I if my professor seriously tries to come on to me…

At work that night we were told to go to our cars with our keys between our fingers because there was a creep messing with other female mall employees and security hadn’t identified him yet.

Looking back I’d like to say those were my only experiences…I wish this wasn’t the world I was raised in. I wish I hadn’t always questioned MY actions. Because let’s be real, at no point in time during any of those experiences did anything I do warrant those actions… but nevertheless, I was always worried about the other people.

Fast forward to my time with Pure Romance, we spent hours training about empowering women and it taught me how to talk to women. How to come out of my own she’ll. It gave me my fire back.

Last year I spent time with several women in abusive relationships. One didn’t even think she was allowed to say no to her boyfriend. We talked, I shared my stories, they shared theirs, some left their abusers, some stayed, some admitted their assault for the first time, we all cried.

How is this the culture we live in? Women feel sorry for the people abusing them? And not just women, this happens to men too!

Let’s say it one more time for that person that thinks it’ll be different next time, or he didn’t really hurt me, or I let it happen… IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. NOBODY GETS TO TOUCH YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. No fucking body. Not your parent, not your sibling, not your friends or spouse, not strangers, or doctors, or bosses. NOBODY. It stops with you. No more. Find your voice. Raise your children differently. No more boys will be boys. No more is he going to talk bad about me if I don’t. No more she was asking for it.

Break your silence, keep it to yourself, do whatever helps you!

Mine ends with me. Never again. And bet your ass my son will know, No means NO!

#MeToo #NoMore